Do it with purpose - CC10

5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – (silence); Twenty days ago many of us did the countdown – expectantly waiting for a ball to drop, the third hand of your watch to reach the summit, or the clock on your phone show the change of date and year – perhaps you did and then – perhaps you did not – perhaps it was not even your new year to celebrate. Regardless, did you ever ask yourself why it is done, the countdown – is it done to chase the old year out or is it done to herald the new year in.

In the end it may not seem a big deal one way or the other – but, if you ask me – I think there is a difference – I think – how we look at time matters – as we welcome this new year – a new year full of opportunities, full of things that have never been before – I ask you to do it with purpose.

It was always strange to me -- this sentiment of the new year we celebrate so exuberantly …this quite arbitrary moment in time, ten days after the winter solstice – but the time of year, if not the date was always special to me – it became a time to welcome new and brighter days – a time when nature once again prepares the frozen and barren waste to wake up from its wintry slumber so it can once again give birth to a new and verdant future – a future beyond our wildest imagination – a future filled with dreams of a new day in the morning – and yet, a time of pain and of withdrawal that produces something so very beautiful

Each day as we wake up, we are privileged, privileged to imagine and shape the new day – and to fill this new day with anything we want – with everything that is beautiful and true, with friendship and freedom – a new day, a blank slate

Sadly, we rarely pay any attention to time even as we so precariously balance on the knife edge that is our here and now - while time itself so inexorably flies over us towards the future leaving in its wake the past – moving us with the time.

There are moments when we end up feeling lost, lost between the past and the future – lost in a Neverland of confusion and stress, a place where there is no here nor now  - a place in time where we feel that we lost all hope – wishing there were someone out there to anchor us in the current of time, in the present – someone to just put their arms around us – cradle us in their embrace and say – I’ve got you – I’ve got you right now, just close your eyes and I will take you back to the present – just relax, listen to my heart and realize you do not have to face this alone – I am here with you – here for you –

At times it feels there are so many things in our lives that we cannot control – things that because they were not predicted or even because they are not predictable wreak havoc to our days – our lives. One thing happens and soon another leading us inexorably down that slippery sloop towards a place where we can no longer grab the edge of the present and bring ourselves back to the here and now – a place where we seize having any control over what is happening and the stress that kept us going for so long, instead turns us unproductive

At times; we seem to forget how much of our days that we can control – like how we plan our days and how we use the checks and balances we / all of us introduce to our lives in order to get soommmee  -- semblance of control to our life – but, it is not only how we choose to fill out time that matter – it matter also with what.

Sure we all have duties to perform, but we can never let those obligations change who we are and how we choose to make our free-time meaningful – in Sweden we say that some of the scent always remains with the hand that gives away a flower.

Think about that – some of the scent always remain with the hand that gives away a flower – it means that giving has its own sweet reward – if we consciously decide to give – for instance, forgiveness or second chances – or if we choose to be that anchor for somebody, to firmly anchor them in the here and now – if we freely choose to give them the gift of the present – to give of ourselves – not in anticipation of a reward – now or in another life – then, when we choose to act entirely altruistically, the scent of the flower…the  contentment following that unselfish act will give us a satisfaction beyond that of any external stimuli

We have that chance every second of that new day no matter how busy we are, to take a moment out of our own day to make another person feel loved and important – and as the glow of their new-found importance make them shine like a bright beacon in the dark – as if lit from inside – we will also get a chance to savor some of that ambrosia – delight in the scent of that sweet flower – delight in that moment given – the scent that always stays with the hand that gave it away.

It is said that; -A man who dares to waste even one hour of his time has not yet discovered the value of life – but that must never mean that we should rush headlong through life going from one task to another forever busy – it simply means to have a purpose – that since time is inevitably moving on – to be mindful of how you spend your time and to allow yourself to live in the present – that we take the time to learn from the past for the future but that we go on living in the here and now.

We must allow ourselves to stop in the middle of our busy day to smell the roses – stop to watch a beautiful sunset – or stop by the side of the road in the early spring time to enjoy the first spring flowers as they fight their way through layers of snow to light up your day and to give you hope for warmer days to come -- that the flowers we give our loved ones are not just a generic bouquet but one where we painstakingly took the time to choose each flower by itself matching in our minds eye the person for which the flowers are meant.

I never got it – I could never get a grip on the euphoria I am supposed to feel as the old year is fading out and as we count a new one in. For me each new day is a gift, each new day is the promise of a new beginning.

Every morning as we wake up, we are privileged to imagine and shape a new day – and to fill this new day with everything that is beautiful and true – with friendship and freedom – a new day, a blank slate – a time in which we have the power to choose to give a little bit of ourselves –

So as you go by your new day, your new year – I ask you to do it with purpose – remembering that a kind word or a genuine smile are selfless acts that can make a difference in someone’s life. Go out there and take the chance to carry out that random act of kindness, with no expectation of a reward – do it – and revel in the scent of your flower.

The mourning after -- CC7

When I was 14 years old -- my best friend’s father Lasse was killed by a drunk driver --- the man who hit him was driving down a deceptively straight part of the highway; when for some reason he swerved -- his car hitting the median rolling over the fence between the lanes and barging in through Lasse’s front window -- instantly killing him

Lasse was only 36 years old – he never got home that day – that was the day Peter, my best friend; lost his father --- from that day Peters dad never came to watch him play --- and Lasse never got to support Peter through his teenaged years --- from that day, Lasse was gone -- leaving just a memory – a snapshot in the family album --- while ironically; Lasse’s killer survived the melee, physically unharmed

Honored toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and most welcome guests --- we call it vehicular manslaughter --- sometimes on less charitable days I think it should be called murder --- after all -- it is a personal decision made; to drink and drive

Every Friday I go to a pub to sing some karaoke --- the pub is not really on the beaten path and most of the patrons probably take the car to get there --- and most have a glass or 4, convinced it will not affect them as drivers --- because they don’t feel affected and nothing has happened --- yet ---- it is like a person playing Russian roulette convinced it is harmless because the first two attempts went well

I wonder have they --- and have you ever wondered how your body is affected by alcohol when driving? You all know that in Ontario today the legal blood alcohol level of 0.8 promille or 0.08 percent alcohol by weight --- but do you know what that much alcohol does to your body?  

I wonder if most people have the ability to excogitate that already at 0.2 promille, a mere quarter of the legal blood alcohol limit -- our mental abilities are measurably affected by the alcohol – already at 0.2 promille, a mere quarter of the legal limit; alcohol will lessen your capacity to make the rational decisions necessary to be driving safely --- and from there it only gets worse

At double that, that is at half the legal limit even if you feel alright your vision is gravely affected --- there is problem with your peripheral vision, your ability to adjust to dark and to correctly judge distances --- and that at half the legal limit. Together with increased reaction times and impaired ability to perform minute maneuvers ---- your ability to drive safely is already severely diminished at half the legal limit.

The question for many is how much can you drink and still drive. Well it is really not possible to say with any accuracy – it turns out it depends on what and how you are drinking, your body size, the time of day and what you’ve eaten before et cetera -- but what I can tell you is that a glass of wine or beer is probably too much ---

And if ever you ask me -- here is my answer even if it is not accurate in all situations nor scientifically verified --- seriously if you have to ask if you can drive, then you probably shouldn’t – and if you ever done shots with your friends you should probably leave the car parked also the next day --- after all after a night of shots you are probably still affected up to 18 hours later --- you see the worse that can happen is not that you get caught --- there are a lot of things that can happen that are much worse – if you doubt just ask Peter

You see, when I was 14 years old Peter’s father Lasse was killed by a drunk driver --- a driver; I am sure who never realized his inability to drive safely – a driver who thought a couple of drinks wouldn’t impair his driving --- a driver who’s poor decision in the presence of alcohol made him kill Peters father. So the problem with drinking and driving my friends; is not the risk of getting caught, it is the mourning after

 ----and be sure I spell mourning m-o-u-r-n-i-n-g

Did you know

The problem with using statistics in a speech like this --- is that it is far too easy to use it in the same way a drunkard uses a lamppost --- that is for support --- rather --- than for illumination --- but tonight my friends I do not need the support --- I will use it instead to illuminate my path

Did you know;

That tonight when you are putting you weary head on your pillow over 4000 Canadian women and their children will hide in a women’s shelter ---

Did you know;

That every night hundreds of women are turned away --- not because they do not have pressing needs --- but because there is not enough room to house them ---

Did you know;

That most of those women fear for their lives and those of their kids ---

Do you realize

That those 4000 women – each night, are probably just the tip of an iceberg

Do you realize

That those women fearing for their lives are women just like you, your neighbor, your sister, your mother or your best friend

Do you know;

That most of those women are ashamed they have been abused, they blame themselves

Honored toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and most welcome guests --- I am a man --- just one man --- and in the face of this travesty I feel --- inadequate

I want to – somehow, to offer a helping hand --- not in pity – I want to reach out in support – the question for me is where and how – where am I needed and how can I make the largest impact.

I want to help these women --- but more my dream is to help prevent the abuse from happening in the first place – I want to be a voice --- and help to increase the awareness of the problem, change the perception of the women being abused, and change the attitude towards the perpetrators

Three years ago I put on these red pumps for the first time --- suffering no more that some derisive comments, laughter, some blisters, and the shame of going into the store to buy them --- I didn’t do it to show off my feminine side --- I did it as part of an organized campaign called “Walk a Mile in her shoes” to raise awareness about violence, abuse and rape of women ---

And yes I heard the critique – and I agree that even, if I walk a mile in your shoes, I will never be able to understand the journey you have taken to get where you are today --- but on the other hand that was never my objective in the first place

The reason for me -- was to be part of something outrageous --- something silly, something that made the people I know question my motives and my sanity --- something that would make the people on the streets of Toronto stop, laugh and wonder what was going on --- what I was looking for was an opening to start a conversation --- start a conversation about the prevalence of violence against women ---start a conversation about the attitude changes I think are required to do that --- and I think we men have to take part in that conversation

Why is it still in 2015 --- in large portion of our society accepted --- to blame a woman for the violence perpetrated against her --- why, I ask myself why --- it baffles my mind that we are still in 2015 are adhering to antiquated ideas like that --- in a modern society

I think that we all --- but us men in particular --- need to show that we do not tolerate that kind of speech and victim-blaming anymore --- not from the press and not from people around us ---- I think it is time we decisively put our foot down and say -- NO, it is not her fault she got hit --- NO it is not her fault she got raped ---  and NO it is not her fault she got killed --- she may have teased him, she may have disappointed him, she may have rejected him --- but it was not her fault he raised his hand --- How can we ever stop women from blaming themselves for the violence they have suffered if we as a society feel comfortable blaming them

But I am not ignorant, I know also men are subject to domestic violence and I despise that too --- but the violence against women are 3 times as prevalent --- and this is the fight I have decided to take up

So again let me ask you ---Did you know before this speech tonight -- that this very night when you are putting you weary head on your pillow over 4000 Canadian women and their children will seek refuge in a women’s shelter --- fearing for their lives --- and that that is only the tip of an iceberg.

--- --- I think you all agree with me when I say --- something has to change

And I think it starts with us --- I think it starts with a personal decision we can all make --- a decision to never look down on another person --- unless you’re are offering him or her a helping hand – not as an island apart but a hand to stand up together with the rest of us

Sheltering love

It was the end of a perfect day …inside …the candles were lit and the light throwing off haunting images on the walls of the small cottage….outside the window a steady …cold northern wind and a slow rain did what they could to wash the colors out of the leaves of our maple tree….slowly I ran my fingers over the slightly oily but perfectly …..even-colored brown skin …and as I did, I could smell the rich mix of sweet and bitter aromas together with that …unmistakable smell that tells me everything is going to be alright…..as I broke of a piece and let it slowly melt in my mouth I realized that…..tasting a good chocolate is like an invitation to a sensory explosion.

But honored Toastmaster, fellow toast masters and guests…even as you realize the passion I feel in the presence of good chocolate…… I must tell you ….with uttermost sincerity ……that I do not love chocolate

In my opinion, until I change it, which I observe every right to do ….the word love is probably one of the most misused words in the English dictionary ….so misused that in fact ….at times I can almost envision how the misuse we submit it to …works much like the cold wind and rain did for the maple leaves in my tree…….draining it of all its power…all that is strong and beautiful …..leaving just a watered out husk ……nothing but a ghost of its former self…..a lesser word…..leaving it falling to the ground and into obscurity as an old word without any real meaning or power

An etymologist would surely disagree with me ….letting me know I am standing in the way of the language inevitable evolution into the future …..letting you know that the word love does not imply anything …but to hold someone or something dear…….no limits …..and of course in a way I must agree ….but on another level …for me ….love is so much more ….for me to love implies a deep, intimate personal relationship to another person or group of persons …… 

I was about 30 years old when I told my dad for the first time that I loved him….sure I showed him before…..but on that day it was important for me he understood the depth of my feelings towards him and mom …..so I told him I loved him….there was absolutely no misunderstanding and both of us hugged and silently cried together

Every time I hear a 13 year old say she loves a guy she never met …a couple that just met claim their love…..a grown man exclaiming his love for steak or a woman her love for a pair of shoes ….I cringe a little inside ….to hear the word love used thus is for me much like cursing …..a proof sure of their limited vocabulary …a vocabulary that simply do not have enough words or imagination to identify and convey the elation they feel

Sure there are many forms of love …and it is not the purpose of this speech to belittle anyone of them ....all I am asking is that you choose your loves wisely ….that you shelter the word love from miss-use ...to reserve love …for a feeling so deep that it simply cannot be described in any other way ….for a feeling so profound, so overwhelming that no adverb added for emphasis will ever make it larger …more important ...that the next time when you are confronted by the choice to express your love …That you exercise some afterthought before using the word …. (silent hand gestures)

-Ask yourself do I really love that cake or isn’t it more that the thought of eating the cakes makes you salivate and long to sink your teeth into its succulent form. Think for a moment of the verb use of the word ….to make love …..have you ever hear or read about a conversation in which a man asks a woman to make love with him and the woman immediately understanding that all he wants to do is to bake a cake

 …and about that couple that claim after a single date their absolute love for each other ….is it really love ….isn’t it more likely that it is simply lust ….and if they claim love at that stage …..what words will they use 10 years down the lane to explain the profound feeling of togetherness ….the longing to be alone together ….the knowing that in front of you is a true and tested friend ….a life partner …and that what you share together is the real deal ….that what you share is love.

I know that society today is applauding exaggerations and bold speech …..that everything must be big and bold ….that a horror movie scares you out of your wit …..that an albeit funny comedian made you pee your pants and that the chocolate cake sent you into nirvana

……but in the case of love I ask you to make an exception …..to make a special case …I ask that you shelter the word from miss-use…..that you put your feelings to the test and critically examine them ….that you ask yourself if it really is love you are feeling or if you are not simply confusing love with some other strong feeling ….that you shelter love so that next time you use it, it conveys with full force the feeling you have ….that the person your love is directed towards is in no doubt about what you mean …..and that they do not see it as an invitation to turn the oven on

I want to inspire you to think -- CC3

I am asked that my speech to you today have a general and a specific purpose…..that what I say today not only capture your attention in some way but that it also gives you something to think about even after I have given you the five to seven minutes of my thoughts I am about to give….

But five to seven minutes is not a long time to inspire you and to leave you a message that will not only be remembered but that will also provide fodder for your thoughts for some time going forward…but I am willing to take the challenge. I will do what I can to inspire you to think for your selves, to be critical, and to question….I want to take five to seven minutes of your time to inspire you to be skeptical

But why should you be skeptical you may ask ...and my friend, my answer will be

• -        As long as people just like you and I are fooled by charlatans every day to give up their life-savings for an unobtainable goal, you need to think for yourself
• -        As long as there are people out there willing to lie to you and to offer you an easy way out in exchange for your money, you need to think critically
• -        As long as media and journalism today is more driven by profit and greed than of an urge to tell the truth, you need to question what you hear
• -        Since some lies has gained a foothold so solid in the mind of most Canadians that we every year, collectively we spend billions of dollars on a lie, you need to be skeptical even about claims you take for granted are true
• -        Because it is getting accepted that people are using emotional addresses rather than facts to sway you from one position or another, you need to critically examine everything you hear
• -        When companies are using simple rhetorical devices to persuade you to change your mind…. when banks tell you they have only you in mind….when a casino let you know only about the people who won but will not tell you about all those who lost……when someone is willing to give you the secret to earn millions without doing anything but handing them money in exchange for a book or a kit that will do nothing for you but getting rid of that awful lump in your wallet, that my friend is when you need to think clearly

And I will not stop asking you to think critically until these purveyors of creative lies for their own profit are no longer considered pillars of our society, not until they are branded for the thieves they are will I stop asking you to be skeptical of their claims.

I will not stop asking you to think for yourself and to question what you hear or read until these thieves can no longer can hide behind their lies and live on the sick, the lonely and the most vulnerable of our society…..as long as that goes on I have no right to stop trying to inspire you to think, to question, and be critical….I simply do not have the right

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends, all is not lost….we can all learn how to be better at thinking critically

And even if getting good at critical thinking means that we must study and be vigilant every day of our lives I think the payback for both us personally and for society as a whole is immeasurable

It is my hope, that when you leave here today you will feel inspired to learn about critical thinking

It is my hope, that when you leave here today you will want to learn about not only about how others are fooling us but also about how we are fooling ourselves

It is my hope, that when you leave here today you are inspired to challenge what many of us see as self-evident, that you will challenge yourself by looking up and try to learn also about the counter argument to some of your strongest held truths

It is my hope, as you leave here today that you will think harder and that you will be inspired to critically and systematically evaluate facts that are presented to you using consistent logic

It is my hope, that as you leave here today I have inspired you to not take anything for granted just because it is presented by an authority or read in a book

It is my hope, that as you leave here today I have managed to inspire you to think for yourself, to be critical, and to question……that is I hope I have inspired you to be skeptical

If I have manage to inspire at least one of you to challenge and think more critically about at least one aspect of your life, if I have inspired even one of you to critically examine one part of your life then these five to seven minutes was not a waste of my time nor of your……if I manage to inspire even one of you to challenge your personal biases than these five to seven minutes was worth all the time and all the effort…..and if I manage to inspire at least one of you to look up and read about critical thinking when you get home…then my friends this was a victory not only for me but also for you

Toastmaster Ice-Breaker -- Who I am, seen through quotes by Einstein

This year it is 100 years since Albert Einstein changed the world by postulating his theory of General Relativity…. and even if you never have to think about it……it affects you daily…. specially, of course if ever you use your GPS device and you do not want to get lost …time dilation, a direct consequence of Einstein’s theory must be taken into account when you calculate your position with the accuracy you are so used to

.... and even if I can never aspire to reach an understanding of life the universe and everything… that comes even close to that of Mr. Einstein…by the way; the answer may according to some sources be 42…parts of who I am can still be understood on the basis of some of his more famous quotes. So here goes…

I have always been very curious...as a kid I used to drive both teachers and my parents nuts with all my questions…some say it is a miracle that any curiosity ever survives formal education but some reason mine is as strong now as once it was

For me it is funny and slightly disturbing how some people see me as smart when I see myself as nothing but….I have no particular talent….guess the best you can say is that I am passionately  curious….I do not know a lot about anything, I am not an expert…..I am but a novice journeyman  and all that can be said is maybe that I know a little something about a lot of things.... paradoxically thou……I realize that the more I learn…. the more I realize how little I really know.

However, as much as I love to learn I also thirst for stopping to smell the roses…to really live at times you just have to stop…  take a pause… to wonder at the nature we have so closely around us…to stand rapt in awe and to drink it all in…

In a way I am also a pacifist, a militant pacifist at that….. willing to fight for peace…. knowing in my heart the fight for peace is not won in battle and cannot be kept by force….. knowing in my heart that peace can only be achieved by understanding….. understanding not only who we are but also our enemies….understanding not only our strengths but also the frailty of our minds, our biases, and our weaknesses….by realizing that the world is a dangerous place to live: not because some people are evil but because of the people who are willing to stand by and let evil has its way…….realizing that we cannot solve our problems using the same thinking we used when creating them…realizing we need to find new ways of thinking

I can only hope you got a glance of who I am…who I was… and who I am trying to become…a man of value rather than a man of success…and on that realize, just like Einstein, that any man who can drive a car while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves